A few weeks ago I started feeling “off.” I stopped finding pleasure in the things I used to take great joy in and began finding myself struggling to get out of bed and face each day.
Being a psychologist, I’ve diagnosed and worked with both adults and children suffering from depression so I know the signs and symptoms. That being said, I am also acutely aware that we are living in the midst of a global pandemic and economic crisis while trying to raise our child(ren) as well as make sure we all stay alive, for goodness’ sake. It’s like some messed up version of the Oregon Trail (one of the first computer games where you had to help a family of settlers cross the US safely).
Let’s not forget all the other social and political unrest we currently face each morning and the fact that most of us are still learning, teaching, working, loving, fighting and living at home 24/7 with family. *deep sigh*
Given all of this…how in the world am I supposed to know if what I am feeling is in fact depression (or a milder version like the blues or a state of melancholy) or my current “reality of life” pandemic style?
Depression vs Sadness
Before we delve into the specific criteria for a diagnosis, it’s important to be able to differentiate between feeling sad or blue and feeling the big “D word”: depression.
Everyone experiences sadness from time to time; that’s natural, normal and to be expected. The difference lies in the duration of the sadness, the potential physical impairments and one’s ability (or lack thereof) to complete the activities of daily living.
Even when someone is feeling sad they will still be able to find joy in the occasional simple thing such as a good movie, a tasty meal or spending time with loved ones. On the contrary, when struggling with depression, there is a distinct lack of finding pleasure in activities that used to bring happiness.
Another way to tell the difference between feeling blue versus depressed is to examine your sleep and eating patterns. People feeling sad are usually still able to sleep and eat without much disruption, while on the other hand depression results in significantly disrupted sleep and eating patterns.
One final way to tell the difference is to examine self-harm and/or suicidal behaviors. Sadness does not usually result in harming oneself or suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation means thinking about suicide but is very different from establishing a plan or actually intending to go through with it. On the contrary, individuals with depression often exhibit both self-harm behaviors (decline in physical health or cutting) and suicidal ideation or attempts.
Now that we have looked at ways to qualify the difference between sadness and depression let’s check out that criteria.
Criteria for Depression
The below are the criteria for depression listed in the DSM-5 (the handbook used by health care professionals in the United States and much of the world as the authoritative guide to the diagnosis of mental disorders.) You must be experiencing five or more symptoms during the same 2-week period and at least one of the symptoms should be either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.
- Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
- Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.
- Significant weight loss or weight gain when not dieting, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
- A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
- Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.
- Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.
- Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
Parenting During a Pandemic
No one alive today has ever lived through a pandemic. An economic depression maybe, yet even then people were allowed to touch one another and freely move about without fear of an invisible illness attacking them each time they said hello to someone.
How can you tell if what you’re feeling is related to the realities of the pandemic or if it’s something more? Truth is, the increase in anxiety, stress and sadness is practically universal for all humans at the moment; and it’s been over 6 months (which more than meets criteria for depression).
The first thing to do is self-reflection. Ask yourself some questions about your mood with regards to your day-to-day experiences. Have you ever felt this way before? Can you identify specific reasons (spouse not helping out as much with parenting/household duties) or is it just a general overall “blah”.
Once I recognized my own shift in my emotional state I had a heart to heart with two people who know me well (spouse and BFF). I shared with them that I thought I might be heading into a depression and wasn’t/hadn’t been feeling myself for a couple of weeks.
After these chats I felt better (just getting something off your chest helps you feel less alone) and my spouse worked hard the following week to ensure I got some “me time” away from everyone. She took the kids to a nature park nearby for a total of 8 hours over 2 days. Those chunks of “me time” in my own home without my kids or spouse were just what I needed to “reboot.”
If you’re feeling a bit down, have a check-in with someone who knows you well. See if you can do some self-care (however that looks to you) and start there. If after a few self-care sessions you aren’t feeling a bit better, you may want to set up an appointment with a therapist. The good news is that many therapists now have online sessions available so you don’t have to leave your house. The bad news is, even therapy won’t make life go back to “normal.”
Remind yourself you are living in unprecedented times. Never in the history of parenting has so much been asked of us with ever diminishing resources and places to turn to for help. Humans aren’t designed to live in small “pods” (home) without outside help in the form of family, friends, and our other community members. That being said, we also don’t want to unnecessarily expose our children/families health to something we know very little about.
As a result, many continue to wait it out in their homes, while others slowly enter back into the world of school/work/play. No matter which path you choose, it doesn’t come with road maps, danger zone warnings or decreased anxiety about the future.
For now, all we can do is be brave like Anna (from Frozen) and do “the next right thing.”
